Hello, Humanity
As I coach my clients I return to this truth again and again: So much of our suffering as leaders comes from denying our humanity.
By humanity, I mean our human condition. Our foibles, our messiness, and our real needs as living beings. And sure, our brilliance and our strength too.
This is who we are, and yet we will ourselves to be different. Perfectly confident, without flaws, productive no matter what.
We all have our moments. The times when our humanity shows up and we try to push it away.
See if any of this sounds familiar to you:
“I notice I won’t make my donor calls unless I’ve got everything 120% prepared. But this means I never get around to making calls.”
“After a recent loss, I felt a strong internal push to skip the grief and get back to work – even though I knew better.”
“When my boss communicates bluntly and doesn’t offer any acknowledgement of how hard I’m working, I feel like I’m five again.”
And when these moments come, our instinct is often to push the feelings down. To muscle through and work even harder.
There’s a voice that says, “Get over yourself. Just do better. Just decide to be different.”
If we could, we would. Believe me. I’ve tried.
But this is not how our humanity works. It needs care. It needs space. It needs tenderness.
In fact, I like to welcome it when it arrives. “Hello, humanity. Hello, fear. It makes sense that you’re here. Relax, pull up a chair. And don’t worry, I won’t berate you like last time. You are here just as you’re meant to be.”
When I practice this self-compassion, I find a beautiful sense of release. It feels like some rusted, knotted chains inside are melting away into silk.
Then from this place, I can show up as the leader I want to be – making donor calls with a sense of joy, asking clearly for what I need, and empowering others to take action.
Knowing this pain so well – and its release – is why I’m passionate about coaching and excited about the new offerings I’ve developed this year.
It’s why I create warm, authentic spaces for learning and exploration. The kind I wish I’d had when I was a Development Director.
These are places where we can dive deeper into our full humanity, explore our fears, and step into shared courage and strength. As one participant recently shared:
“It’s really valuable for me to have a place where I can be real about my uncertainty and my fear. I have found now that I can move more quickly through fear and into confident action.”
As we move deeper into the holiday season, may we each greet our humanity when it arrives and may we reach out to others with love and authenticity.
