Working With Negative Thoughts

Are persistent negative thoughts sabotaging your leadership? 

This was a huge issue for me when I was a new Development Director.  Unhelpful negative thought patterns froze me up, caused me a lot of suffering, and hampered my ability to lead.  

I’m going to be honest, they were really bad. And the voice in my head made them sound like THE FINAL FOREVER TRUTH about me. Some prime examples: 

• They hired you because they thought you were capable… 

• A *real* Development Director would have done X by now… 

• You’re a hot mess. If you don’t shape up, you’re going to get fired…

*shudder* 

These are not pretty. They’re not flattering. But I share them so that you’ll know you’re not alone. And so that I can share a strategy I’ve learned which has helped a lot.  

So what’s the strategy?  It’s creating more space between me and these thoughts, so that I can breathe more freely and invite in kinder, gentler thoughts. 

Now when those negative thoughts intrude, to the extent I can, I pause to reframe them. Instead of thinking, “I am overwhelmed” or “I am ashamed,” I say to myself that part of me feels overwhelmed. Part of me feels shame. Not all of me.

This creates space for other parts of me to emerge – the confident part of me that knows that I can handle anything. And the wise part of me that knows these icky, heavy feelings are only temporary.

So if you’re wrestling with any negative thoughts or feelings today, I invite you to take a couple deep, nourishing breaths, feel the weight of your body in time and space, and think to yourself:

• Part of me is overwhelmed

• Part of me is stressed

• Part of me feels shame 

And then see what other, more resourced parts of yourself might emerge in the new space you’ve created. These other parts might say things like:

I am capable. I know, because I achieved X, which I didn’t initially think I could.

• I am calm, because I can feel my feet on the floor and cool breath filling my lungs. 

• I am worthy of love and affection, just as every human being is. 

Yes, you are worthy my friend. “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” - Max Ehrmann